Winter Growth

Driving on my route from work to home today, it was 2pm and the temperature still hadn't risen above freezing, and the sun hadn't been out all day, so the tree limbs and blades of grass were still heavily coated with frost. It was magical. What I kept noticing, though, was that in every bare tree that stood along the highway and near a field, there seemed to be a beautiful and regal hawk, perched in a top branch. I counted seven or eight, right along the highway. I never saw so many hawks during my life as a city dweller. They are all over out here.

The nut orchards are frosty and bare limbed, but the nuts are still being sold everywhere, according to signs on the roadsides. Otherwise, it's time to start living on canned produce and stuff from down south! No produce stands are open now--just grocery stores.

With the lack of fruit hanging around on my daily commute, I've taken to listening to sermons about fruit. Today on my drive I listened to a sermon by Tim Keller from Galations five, about the fruit of the Spirit. It helped me so much to hear his ideas. The main thing that I brought away from it was the idea that Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Faithfullness, Self Control, etc, don't grow in us EVER, except for the by the presence and work of God's Spirit... and in the presence of the Spirit, heart-growth and heart-change is ALWAYS happening, regardless of our asking or trying--any more than an apple can ask or try... even in the winter seasons when we don't see things growing as quickly.

I've been pretty insecure lately about the lack of progress that I've made in areas that have made me annoying to live with, and yet, as I tell Jimmy, I'm so much better than I used to be. I used to be borderline OCD--I'd freak out when roommates left pools of water or grease on counters or food smudges on the fridge, and now I can live with three children, one of which leaves smudges and pools everywhere. It doesn't get to me any more. The fact that I've gotten better--more patient and more temperate, is a mystery to me. It didn't come about by my own will or effort--that's clear. But I've been heartfully hoping that I will continue to get better, so as to make life easier for my husband.

Dr Keller also said that fruit has nothing to do with other peoples lives being changed when they are around us. He said that religious people without any fruit of the Spirit get away with taking credit for the spirit's growing fruit in other people's lives "through their ministry," but this says nothing about the Spirit being in their own life, and shows no evidence of their own fruit. All it shows is that God is present in the other person's heart. Interesting. This seems very true to me. When people claim credit for our growth, we learn, falsely, that growth is conditional and circumstantial, dependant on a person with expertise.

Most profound was the idea that "All of the fruit of the Spirit exist together, and ONLY together". Real, deep, lasting Peace always comes with Humility (like the converse--anxiety always comes with the arrogance of thinking we know what is supposed to happen), and Self control always comes with Joy (addiction is only necessary in the absence of Joy). If we have Peace, but not Self control or Faithfulness, then we just have an unruffled temperament--it's not the fruit of the Spirit alive and growing in us.

The idea of Joy coming from God and not from circumstance really got me. When he mentioned the idea of Joy being something that God grows in us, and can't be found apart from God, I realized that I've been telling myself a lie--I've been taking responsibility for my husband's joy-level since the day we got married. What a weight off to see that I don't need to do that. Not that I don't annoy him, but his essential Joy and Peace don't ever come from me. That is true, clearly, and such a relief. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this, among women. Hopefully you will remind me of it later on if I remind you of it now. I'm sure to forget it!