I think I finally have some perspective on my marriage, after five months, and: this is a good marriage--something I never really dared to hope for. We thought that our slight religious and political differences were going to cause the most trouble, but we found a church that we both like somehow, and it's really just the TV that we bicker over. (He likes it on, and I like it off.) Our worlds are very different, but our marriage works well in spite of that.
About a month ago, I came home after a fun urban weekend in Portland with some friends, and Jimmy decided it was time to show me "The Archery Shop," in Yamhill. He had told me very little about this sacred place where he and his dad go often on Thursday evenings, and he felt that the time had come for me to see it, so I put on my rugged rain boots and gloves (I was told only to dress for cold and mud). We got in his big truck, that has been sitting unused since we got a hybrid this past fall, and we went over some rivers and through some woods, and ended up on a long gravel road that led to one of the most remote stretches of the Yamhill River that you might ever imagine finding. The "shop" was a huge garage-like corrugated metal building with a wood stove inside, and a TV hanging high above it where some sports channel was silently showing golf events, a little store with archery things to buy, and a huge space for shooting targets with bows and arrows from many yards away. The shop owner took our money at the little store, and his grandson was one of two people shooting--he was about Mason's age, 12.
We didn't stay inside though. Jimmy wanted to show me the "3D course". He didn't tell me what that was. He just led me down a steep path toward the river. Next to the river bank, a ways off, there appeared to be a deer laying down. We stopped at a little post with a sign on it, and Jimmy shot at the deer. When we walked up to the deer from many yards away, I saw that it was made of foam rubber, and it had a little, fist-sized brown circle under its rib area, and Jimmy had shot his arrow right into the middle of that circle, without the use of any kind of telephoto lens. The next target was a foam alligator, and the next was a wild turkey! It was fun walking through the woods looking for new foam-animals. I enjoyed seeing him get his arrows into the tiny, invisible targets too.
Jimmy doesn't describe things at length unless it's an idea that has to be explained in order to understand, or when he's giving you a lesson. He sees the beauty of letting us discover things like this first hand for the first time, and I've learned to enjoy that, mostly because I trust him so much, I think. He's really great at demonstrating that people don't have to analyse and articulate as much as I always have--but just trusting natures course, and experiencing it rather than taking everything apart with words and acting like words are sufficient for putting them back together. I feel like we found each other at a good time in my life--I was ready to experience life in a less controlling way, and he is a good example of living life in that way. I had no idea that I was headed here, of course, but it is good to live with someone so different, who isn't as anxious or pressed by the troubles of the entire world.
Jimmy loves to play. When he's not at work, he's usually trying to find ways to get outside and run around, find geo-caches, play frisbee golf, spot wild animals and birds or shoot at things, with pool cues or arrows or guns. I don't naturally tend to do any of these things, but I'm learning to like some of them because he has been such a great teacher. I never had a lesson in bowling or pool before--I figured it was just something some people knew how to do, and others, like me, didn't. When he taught me how to throw a bowling ball, it only took me a few tries, and I started doing well. That was astounding! I don't usually feel very productive when we're doing these kinds of things, but I'm learning to be ok with that, and he reminds me of the ways that play has value.
He likes meat, and I like vegetables and grains best. Good thing he's good at cooking meat! I'm pretty good at cooking it sometimes too. I love that the meat that he brings home every fall lasts all year, and it is free of steroids, hormones and genetically modified feed, and it doesn't create excessive waste or pollution, because it's not bred for humans on land that could be used for growing enough vegetables to feed the world. It is wild. What a luxury to have wild meat! I don't eat the big hunks that he does, but I agree that it tastes amazing. This year Mason will start hunting, so we may have lots! Jimmy is pretty generous with his meat. Come October, you should ask him for a taste.
This weekend we went to the regional archery tournament in Lincoln City. The shooting competitions lasted forever and was pretty unexciting, but the wind and hail storm that rocked Jim's parents' motor home was exciting. We were in there with his folks, their two dogs, and our two dogs. I can see where Jimmy gets his laid back ways. His parents just rolled with all the challenges. The dogs were too freaked out to go outside, and it didn't even seem to bother Jim's mom that my dogs were peeing on the linens and pooping on the floors. She was prepared with all the back-up supplies and she remained unruffled. That's Jimmy too. He knows how to clean the house well, and does so periodically, but he's not going to keep it sparkling clean all the time just in case someone comes over. Man, do I ever have a long way to go in that department. I'm trying to at least keep the clutter level down, but with three kids, it's hard for me sometimes. I'm glad his expectations aren't as high as my mom's.
I always heard that the first year was really rough, but for me, being married is nowhere near as frustrating as dating was. I know that Jimmy will be here for me, and I don't have to worry about him going away, which is what caused me all kinds of anxiety in my past relationships. He's very patient, understanding and forgiving. He even manages to get through my emotional storms without taking them too personally. I am very blessed to be married to such a guy.
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